For Nice Guys: Stay Nice!

For "Nice Guys" Out There: Stay Nice!  Pt.1  

As I was in the car with a guy friend yesterday, he asked me, in earnest, how I would advise him on style and relationships.

My first instinct was to just change the topic, since I love being direct and brutally honest, but I hate hurting the feelings of those close to me.  And I don't really think about my male friends as "clients," so he really caught me off guard.

But sometimes it's worse to leave things unsaid, and if someone close to you who values your opinion asks, then you should feel guilty not to give your best and most genuine viewpoint.

I took a deep breath.

"Well, I don't usually advise friends...but let me see...

honestly-- you're the jovial, happy, caring, 'nice guy' and can never get past the 'friend' zone because most of the women you seem to go after just see you as a friend, and don't want to compromise that relationship."

...pause...now how does a guy change that? Like, get out of the "friend zone"??

Well, girls like bad boys, so how does he become badder?

Me: "Have you ever read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss?"

omg! I almost kicked myself. Why on earth would I ever recommend the book on Secret Lives of Pickup Artists to a perfectly nice, polite, normal guy?

I mean, why would you try to make the good guys bad when, in reality, we should be working to make the bad boys good (or at least 'better')???

So I changed the subject again:

"What kind of girl are you interested in?"

...

So now the matchmaker in me is going to try and find a girl who is sweet, attractive, under 5'4", and who, most importantly, would appreciate how lucky it is to find a genuinely nice guy out there, esp. in LA...

They say "you can't change a man." I agree-- you can't change his personality, or what he wants.  You can change his clothes, most hygiene habits, coach his social skills, etc. (where we come in :)  but you should not try to make a good guy act badly to get a girl.

xo,

Shannon

p.s. ughhh i pity the guys who actually think that book works. I hate being disrespected, and the stupid "slight putdowns" that are supposed to make a girl try to seek your approval? B. Ess. Dear girlfriends-- don't fall for that! Just scoot away and hope he gets a better aftershave next time. 

 Interesting website: http://www.niceguys.org/ Enjoy!