So one of my good friends recently sent me this article-- it's by 31-yr old blogger Erin Meanley-- called "31 Things I wish I had know about dating when I was 21."
Link: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=23779082
Well, at 21, I must say that I agree with most of what she wrote-- most, but not all.
Here are my own 21 pieces of advice, taken from various books, experiences, and advice I've been given over the years:
1) When a guy who "texts you out" for that same evening or next-day, you ignore it. If he really wants to see you, he'll ask you out at least 2 days in advance. Don't accept boo-tay calls, because that's what it is.
2) My advice for the first 3 dates: Smile, be happy, polite, smell nice, look hot, and shut up.
3) Don't pay for anything on the first 3 dates. Don't even offer to pay. I know it may sound biatchy, but it emasculates him when you do that. Let the guy take care of you/show you that he can.
4) Don't travel cross-country to see him until he has traveled to see you--at least twice. Even if he offers to pay your plane ticket or w/e, don't accept. He should come and see you first.
5) Don't be so quick to reply to email messages/FB chats/FB messages,etc....if you tend to always write within 5 mins, stop doing this-- if you have nothing else to do, write the email but save it as a draft and wait a few hours/days...you want to have at least a semblance of life outside cybermedia(if that's a word)
6) I agree with Erin on the cooking thing-- guys' #1 complaint about women is that they don't cook! (this was in Patti Stanger's book too!)
7) Some guys will say stuff like "Maybe we'll travel there next year, if we're still together" or "I want to get married at so-and-so"-- you don't have to say anything here-- just smile.
8) If a guy tries to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, or isn't supportive of something you want to do (i.e. he gives criticism that's not constructive)-- he's got issues, and wants to make himself feel better/smarter by putting you down. That's a no-no, and stop talking to him.
9) Going along with number 8 -- only spend time with those who enjoy spending time with you. I know it sounds simple, but a lot of girls get stuck in these 'ruts' where they're taking care of a guy who treats them badly.
10) Don't have more than two drinks on any one date. At least until you're in a committed relationship.
11) Even if you're not a princess, let yourself be treated like one, esp. in the beginning.
12) Don't settle (this is the number 1 advice we heard from real-life "Hitch" dating doctor David Coleman when he came to speak at Drexel -- see http://www.datingdoctor.com/) --basically, you deserve to be with someone who treats you well!
13) When it comes to gifts, don't get him anything skanky, too expensive, or over-the-top. At least until you're engaged or married.
14) Say 'thank you' at the end of the date-- you don't have to call him or text to say what a great time you had.
15) Remember to be happy and nice-- but not stupid. I don't mean you have to talk about the stock market on a date, but maybe keep up with news,etc so you do have things to talk about.
16) However, don't feel like you have to entertain him. If anything, he should be feeling pressure to entertain you. After all, he asked you out (right??)
17) Going along with 16, don't feel obligated to talk just to fill up a silence. It will sound forced and (usually) dumb.
18) Don't overanalyze. Most girls do this, esp. for a guy they like. It's ok to think about it I guess, just don't let it make you do something forward/brash- so if you're going to analyze, do it internally and don't act on it.
19) Let things progress naturally--i.e. don't have expectations like "after 3 weeks we're officially 'together,' " etc... love is not like math formulas
20) I wholeheartedly agree with Patti Stanger's rule "No sex before monogamy"-- it just makes sense. And as she says, "don't think you can get around this with a blowjob. In my estimation, 'in is in'--it's all sex to me, and to him."
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-Millionaire-Matchmakers-Dating-Commandments
21) "The most important relationship you will have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself" -Diane von Furstenberg
xo,Shannon
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